Values to live by…
One of the things I learned on my journey was the importance of values based living. Having a list of personal core values can serve as a north star for your life along the way. It can help you make decisions and assess progress on a daily basis.
You don’t need to have any complex exercise to define your list of core values. Simply sit down and list the characteristics of life that matter the most to you. Perhaps start with a longer list and then pare it down a few days later. Note that values are not the parts of our lives, like work, family or hobbies. Values do refer to how we want to show up and what we want to seek in all parts of our lives.
Don’t make your values list too long. My current list has eight values - beauty, courage, fun, growth, integrity, joy, peace and simplicity. These values balance each other out well for me. Think about how sometimes acting with integrity takes courage, but often leads to growth, joy and peace. Simplicity in my home, possessions and life activities helps me focus on my goals and also brings me peace. Spending time outside for me is fun, growthful and beautiful! I review my values list every three months or so, although it has been fairly stable over the last few years. During the time of my divorce, freedom was on the list, front and center!
When you’re discerning a relationship, a decision amongst multiple good options or an activity — consider how it would help you live into your values. Your response may give you a good clue as to what your next steps should be. Note that the next steps might not be easy at first, but in the long run they will take you in the desired direction of your north star. Courage, at times, prompts me to put the thing that I least want to do at the beginning of my day. Once it’s done, I know that I’m on track and I feel relief and healthy pride. And although I limit my miles now for health reasons, that’s how I first got into running years ago!
I have developed a tool for my clients to conduct a daily review each evening to consider how they lived into their values that day. A dose of healthy self-pride before falling asleep can help you see how even if your day did not go as planned, often, you will find that you have lived into your values and been true to yourself and what matters most to you.